I worked as a camp counselor for several summers during my college years. I remember during the first night of every week with the junior campers being told to be alert for homesick campers. I say junior campers because they are at the age of 8-11 where they are spending time away from home for the first time in their lives. To be honest I never understood homesickness in my campers. Yes, I sympathized with them but I never fully understood. Primarily because when I was a junior camper I was the one saying, "bye, Mom and Dad" before we even unloaded my things from the car.
Now, at 25 years old, I can say I have experienced homesickness. I remember during my first few months in Colorado feeling a minor longing for the comforts of home. Soon after I made friends and I consider my year in CO to be one of the most influential years of my life. I can truthfully say that I am experiencing homesickness right now like I've never experienced. It's no fun. Most of the time it rears it's ugly head at night as I'm settling in for bed. Personally, at night it's much easier to handle. I say a prayer and ask for sweet dreams and then I fall asleep. Luckily since being in Peru I have never had any issues with sleeping.
However, a couple weeks ago it started to show itself first thing in the morning before I even get out of bed. This is where it is hard. Hard to get out of bed. Hard to stop crying. Hard to maintain a positive attitude. Yes, this is an opportunity to see God at work in tangible ways throughout the day but it is exhausting. Not only is learning a new language and culture already exhausting it is even more exhausting to put your mind on a new thought path. One that doesn't involve thoughts of the familiar and the comfortable, one that doesn't involve thinking of the things that you loved back at home. It's hard. It's exhausting.
A couple weeks ago, Monday through Thursday, I had to face this dreaded beast called homesickness everyday when I woke up. I had to make a conscious decision every morning to thank God for bringing me this far. I cannot fight this battle without him. But I need to be honest. This battle is not getting easier. With each passing day and being more tired and exhausted than the previous day make it hard to do it all over again. I know my God is bigger than my circumstances and that he will help me through this. I ask for prayer. That each day I can make steps forward. That God would give me clarity for what his purpose for me in Peru is. Because when all you can think about is life back at home your view of why you are where you are becomes jaded.
So former campers of mine. I get it now. I'm sorry for not understanding. Homesickness is no easy beast to overcome.
It's been a couple weeks since I initially wrote the above. I've changed things around a little because these strong homesickness feelings are in the past. Yes, here and now thoughts of home and tears come flooding but I'm doing much better.
After having some good but hard conversations with missionaries here I'm learning to have contentment with where I am. It's not easy. Right now I am lacking a clear view of what the future holds for me beyond language school. I'm not going to go into all the details but here are specific ways you can be praying for me over the next month:
-Pray for eyes to see my potential for ministry here
-Pray for my excitement for the ministry here to return
-Pray for me to keep an open mind
-Pray that I would be able to see tangible areas of ministry to get involved in after I complete language school without having to completely start a new program.
Thanks for your prayers. I really have felt God intervening as my homesickness this week has subsided and I have been able to think more clearly. This has been made evident in my Spanish studies as this week my imagination for writing in Spanish has started to come. Here's a favorite that I wrote having to use 5 irregular verbs in the present tense: "Yo persigo mi pollo. Mi favorito tipo de pollo es cuando yo lo frío. Yo me despido del pollo y sirvolo. Yo sonrío porque me gusta pollo frito." Translation: I persecute my chicken. My favorite type of chicken is when I fry it. I say goodbye to the chicken and serve it. I smile because I like fried chicken."
