This evening I spent a good amount of time dividing my piles to bring to Peru into three piles. One for each suitcase I will be bringing with. When I hit a good stopping point I decided to put the piles into the bags and weigh them. Just to see what I'm dealing with and how much I have left before the weight becomes an issue. As I zipped one of the bags shut with contents thrown in to weigh it. That's when it hit. Rather blind sided. Hit like a fly ball out of left field. A wrecking ball. I was hit with a wall of emotions. I'm ACTUALLY moving to Peru. A week from tomorrow I board a plane. In seven short days this idea that I've been gearing up for for almost two years is coming to fruition. I'm ACTUALLY doing this. I'd be lying if I said there were no tears. I was hit with the sadness of leaving family. The excitement of a new adventure. The scared feeling of the unknown that comes with a new adventure. Anger because of the things I already know I will be missing like birthdays and holidays. Happy because this season has brought lots of different people back into my life who I haven't spoke to in a while. Tender because sometimes the actions that others have presented during this season leave me feeling loved and cared for. Now if you're familiar with S.A.S.H.E.T. you will have noticed that I am feeling every emotion under the sun. Which is hard for me to accept. I don't typically put my emotions in a powerpoint presentation for the world to see but right now I feel it's necessary. With all the transition in my life right now I know one thing for sure. Jesus is with me. He is here with me and all my emotions. He knows exactly how to comfort when I need comfort. He knows exactly how to love when I need love. He knows exactly how to give peace when I have a restless mind.
I also know another thing to be true. God has given me a ministry to fulfill that I cannot do on my own. (If I'm citing sources this is where I would enter a footnote because this thought comes from Beth Moore. I'll come back to her soon.) A couple years back while interning in Colorado a phrase that was repeated many times was this, "The sovereign God has entrusted me with a portion of his kingdom. How am I going to treat it? How am I going to take care of it?" Yesterday morning I sat in on the first video of Beth Moore's Bible study, Entrusted. One of the key points this week was that we can't do this life alone. We need people to do life alongside. We need people who are our Paul's, our mentors. We need people who are our Timothy's, our mentees. We need friends, who will go through the trenches and back with us because that's what friends do. You're probably wondering why on earth I took a huge rabbit trail from talking about Peru and emotions to talking about being entrusted with a portion of God's kingdom and not being able to do it alone. Well here's the connection. In seven days the kingdom I've been entrusted with, the ministry I am to fulfill, is going to drastically change. Yes, there are definitely parts that will remain the same. Family and friends will still be a part of it but the role in which I feed into their lives and theirs into mine is going to shift. The people I encounter regularly is going to change. The people who go through the trenches with me here and now will not be able to go through the trenches with me to the same extent in seven days. I'll need new people to do that. I'll need a new Paul in my life, I'll need a new Timothy in my life. Quite frankly, this idea of not being able to fulfill the ministry that God's called me to on my own is a little scratch that, IS terrifying when you don't have a support system built up around you. Now I know with time I will have a support system. God's brought people into my life once during a lonely period and I know he will do it again. Because he has entrusted me with a portion of his kingdom. He has given me a ministry to fulfill and I can't do it by myself, as much as the introvert would like to, I know I can't. I need Jesus. I need friends. I need my people. Beth Moore finished her video session with five important words for when I feel like I can't do it anymore, "Just keep getting back up." When learning Spanish is hurting my brain and I feel defeated, "Just keep getting back up." When the public transportation system is overwhelming, "Just keep getting back up." When communicating with my host family is difficult because of the language barrier, "Just keep getting back up." When I've hit my end and I don't want to get up, "Jesus, help me get back up."
