The Power of Prayer

I've been learning and experiencing a lot lately. About a month ago after a conversation with my grandma several of the things I've been learning and experiencing were pieced together with a word: prayer.

Earlier this year I had the opportunity to go on a short term missions trip to Belize with a team from Village Creek Bible Camp. We joined TJ Hanken and his ministry Resourcing Now to distribute Christian literature throughout the country. During two of the days of this trip our team went into some remote villages that are often avoided simply because the road to the villages is in such poor condition. (Picture the game of popcorn. You know, the one where some sits rolled up like a ball on a trampoline while their friends jump around them trying to get the rolled up friend to sprawl out. The road felt like the one being jostled around.) As we went through these 5 villages we would load up our backpacks with Bibles, devotionals, kids literature, and so forth. With each house we would offer a Bible and devotionals and then conclude by praying for the family. The first village we visited was just awkward and uncomfortable. Neither my partner or I had ever done door to door ministry before and quite simply had no idea what to do or say once the family invited us in. By the second day I felt like I finally had a grip on what we were doing and was no longer uncomfortable. Each house I offered the opportunity to pray for them and no one turned me down. After this day we continued to visit more and more people in hospitals, homes for those with special needs, and a prison. However, at one particular home we were told to bring some rice and beans, a couple pairs of reading glasses, and literature with us as the elderly man in the home could not make it to our bus to get his rice and beans himself. I walked into the home and told the man that we had reading glasses for him to try on. I put the weaker pair on his face first. Held up a Bible for him to tell me if they helped. They didn't. I went to get the stronger pair and before I even put them on his face he revealed to us that he could not even make out the features our faces. All he could see was a blob of a being in front of him. It was then that we felt rather helpless. With him not able to see leaving a Bible didn't make any sense. We did leave rice and beans. But it was still a hard pill to swallow that up until now every home we went into was able to graciously accept a Bible and reading glasses. In the moment the Holy Spirit prompted me to ask if I could pray for him. He simply wanted his sight restored. So I prayed for his vision and that the Lord would restore his vision.

The reason all these moments to pray for people stands out to me is because I don't normally enjoy praying out loud. In fact, I've been notorious to just say I'll pray for people later and usually never do.

When I returned home from Belize I felt more confident in my ability to pray. Specifically out loud and as the Holy Spirit leads.  I learned shortly after getting home that my grandma, Nanny, as we affectionately call her, had gone in for a colonoscopy. The doctor was unable to complete it because he had hit a mass. They did a biopsy and the results came back cancerous. Specifically ovarian cancer on the colon. Nanny has been in remission from ovarian cancer for 16 years. I was with her when she was told she had cancer. Expecting to see Nanny in tears I saw her confident and strong. She told me she felt really good and she prayed that the Lord would be her great physician. A week later she had a scan to see how big the mass was and how far spread the cancer is. The scan will help us figure out what the next best steps for Nanny are.

Last night I went to visit Nanny. The Vesper service at Windsor had just finished when I walked in. She turned the TV off and we talked about my church service that morning. We read her devotional for the day from Our Daily Bread together. We talked about the power of the Holy Spirit and the power of prayer. I mentioned the new Bible study I started about the Armor of God and how this week we heard about how prayer is the weapon that activates the rest of our armor. We talked about how when we have nothing else to offer we can offer prayer. (At this moment I was reminded of the older man in Belize who couldn't see.)

Then we talked about Philippians 4: 4-7, "Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

We talked about how Nanny feels at peace right now. I noted a sermon from church not to long ago where I heard that we can't have the peace of God until we have peace with God. Nanny has peace with God. She then asked me to pray for her.

I wrote the above back in the end of January. A lot has happened since then. Nanny has received her first round of chemo and after a difficult week of side effects she has decided that she will no longer receive chemo and does not want to do any surgery. Over the month of February and start of March all of Nanny's kids, grandkids, and great grandkids have had to opportunity to make some lasting memories and many have had to say their earthly goodbye. None of us know how many days we have on this earth. Nanny is one woman who I admire and look up to. She has been a constant source of love and kindness. She is always pointing me towards Jesus and teaching me to walk in His ways.

Last week a few nurses were in her room trying to flush out her port. They were having some trouble flushing it out and she could tell the nurses were getting frustrated. She thought to herself, "Why am I not praying that this would work for them?" So she prayed and in the next few minutes the nurses were able to successfully flush out her port. Later that day a janitor came to clean her room. Being Nanny she struck up friendly conversation with him. She told him about the situation with her port and praying for the nurses to be able to flush it out. He proceeds to explain how he's not sure what he thinks about this whole Jesus thing. Nanny says, "Well you should give Jesus a try. He answered my prayer today for the nurses." As he was finishing up in the room he says, "Miss. Harsch I think I will give that Jesus thing another try."

Nanny has proved to me that our days should not be wasted. We never know when our last breath will be and we don't want to waste a moment to share the love of Jesus with those we are around. I'm so thankful that I have not only Jesus but I have Nanny who has been and still is an amazing example of loving others without question. Nanny has fought the good fight and I believe that Jesus will say, "well done good and faithful servant" when she enters into the gates of heaven. Until that moment I will continue to learn and glean from Nanny all that I can. The power of prayer is amazing. Nanny has made that clear to me with both the simple and the complex.

Too Comfortable and "Even When it Hurts"

An in advance warning. This blog post was initially written in April a week after returning to the States after Peru. Then it was revisited in late August and again the beginning of September (today, 9/5/17, I am hoping to finally finish it).

This morning I woke up with the thought. "I haven't blogged in a while. I need to write again." Well it's 1:30pm on Tuesday the 29th of August. I'm sitting in my parents office while the repair man fixes the ice machine and I found a post that I wrote and never published back in April shortly after I returned from Peru. I reread it and was instantly struck by my own words and how encouraging they are for me right now (See below to read that post). A lot has happened since I returned home from the field five months ago. I've been in a wedding, been a guest at a wedding, had a cousins trip to Door County, a trip to Florida, a missions trip to the Dominican Republic, family visiting from Pennsylvania and North Carolina, two weeks working at Village Creek Bible Camp and looking forward to the weeks ahead visiting family and friends in Colorado, Kentucky, and Iowa. Needless to say its been busy. 

During this busy season I've also had time to reflect and think about my time in Peru. I'm happy to say that I have hit the point where I look back on Peru and I smile and laugh. That wasn't the case three months ago. I remember funny moments of butchering the language both in class and out and about with my host family. I think of moments like walking from my host home to what seemed like the clear opposite side of the city in the pouring rain with Angela just to get in a taxi and drive two blocks. I think of going to see La Bella y La Bestia (Beauty and the Beast) with several of the young adults from church. There are things that I am beginning to miss; like the view of the Misti volcano from my bedroom window, walking everywhere, learning public transportation, queso helado, and being called the gringa by some of the kids at Ciudad de Dios. Remembering the good and funny things isn't all I've thought about. 

I've also had some tough stuff to wrestle through. This next story is a bit long but please hang in there. A couple weeks ago while working at camp I was asked to host breakfast. Now, hosting breakfast is different than other meals because instead of serving dessert you prepare and serve juice. It's also different because during a junior camp instead of setting out large drink dispensers for self serve juice you go around with a cart and small juice cups and serve each camper and staff member yourself. Some how in my time of working at camp from 2011 until that point I had never been a breakfast host. I knew everything about getting the dining room ready, set up the cereal station, toaster stations, make sure the coffee station is stocked. But I had never done juice during a junior camp before. Let me set the scene. I'm told to arrive 45 minutes before the 8:00am meal. I ended up arriving 10 minutes early. I couldn't sleep because I was anxious to host the meal. And not anxious excited. I arrive and see that there are still chairs stacked on the tables from the previous night so I begin to take them down. However, one person taking down about 175 chairs by themselves takes time. A few others who strolled in to grab early morning coffees ended up helping take chairs down. (THANK YOU!) About 10 minutes after the original start time I realize that the main host who knows what he's doing isn't there yet. Ensue a little panic. He finally shows up another 5 minutes later. Chairs are finally down and I start wiping down tables. He puts out toast stations, cereal station, and stocks up the coffee station. I put a new thing of milk out. I find him making juice. I ask how I can help. He says find pitchers, find small juice cups, find a second cart. Then proceeds to complain how behind the schedule we are. (In my head I think. Well you did arrive 15 minutes late.) Then after making the juice he heads out with one of the carts to start serving. Over his head on the way out he says, get the second and start serving from the opposite end of the dining hall. Looking at my cart, I see zero cups, half a pitcher of apple juice, a quarter pitcher of orange, and no grape juice. He had left with each jars of juice. I see on the counter extra juice concentrate. So I assume, that he wants me to make more juice and then serve from the opposite end. Well, I took too long. I came out with my cart as he is preparing to come back in and says, "You're late. I just finished. Give me your empty cups. (with a look of frustration) Why don't you just go serve people?" Now, I'm even more flustered than before. I'm thinking to myself at this point if you had given me more instruction we could both have been out there serving instead of just you. He tells me that we can go eat. Before heading for food I head to the bathroom. I head to a stall and begin to weep. At first I wasn't sure where the tears were coming from. I prayed a prayer then went for some pancakes and bacon. As the day proceeds breakfast hosting weighed heavy on my thoughts. I was trying to figure out where the tears had come from when I make a connection. I had felt powerless and out of control. I felt like I was stuck. Like there was nothing I could have done to make the situation better. I was stressed and anxious. The last time I felt this way was while I was in Peru. Now, knowing what I know I began to think of how I could have made it so I wasn't as stressed or anxious. I should have asked him to give me clearer instructions of what to do with my cart that was lacking supplies. I saw the other host later that day and apologized for my clueless behavior. He then proceeded to say that he acted like a jerk and needed to remind himself how he felt the first time he hosted a meal. 

For the first time I was able to articulate my feelings of anxiety and stress. After returning home from camp I had applied for a job at my home church. I didn't get the job but for reasons that are more than understanding if not helpful for bettering my future work potential. After hearing the at the time disappointing news of not getting the job I made a rather rash decision to make a trip out to Colorado. I arrived and immediately saw my Flatirons family. I was caught up on all the church happenings and was able to tell about my own story of the past year since my last visit. Although this trip doesn't show any promise of a job immediately I am encouraged. I am affirmed. In a way, getting turned down the job at home and being affirmed in my children's ministry gifts by my Flatirons friends was the boost I needed to step forward. To move on and take the risk of looking for work at a new church. 

I head back to Wheaton today with a new found hope. With courage to step out and take a risk. Because I'm not called to be comfortable and God promises that it will be good. It may not be easy. But it will be good. In a sermon on Sunday morning, Scott talked about how good things are good. But when a good thing becomes and ultimate thing in return that once good thing becomes a bad thing. I'm learning that I've been clinging to comfort. Comfort is a good thing but I've been making it an ultimate thing in my life. Because of my love of comfortable and my dislike for being hurt I've stayed where I am. But I can't just stand here anymore. I've been waiting for clarity but I"m not going to get anywhere if I keep waiting because we don't always get clarity until we take steps. So, when I go home I'm going to take some steps. I'm going to take some risks. 

This is the "unpublished" post I referenced earlier.
I recently heard a song by Hillsong called Even When It Hurts. I first heard this song on one of my last days in Peru when I was facing some of the deepest pain I have ever experienced. When I prayed to God I felt my words were empty. I was desperate for an answer. For relief. For anything but the pain I was feeling. Then I heard this song and I thought this is my song. This is the song for my season. Each verse spoke volumes to how was and still am feeling. Especially the verse that goes, "Even when the fight seems lost I'll praise you Even when it hurts like hell I'll praise you Even when it makes no sense to sing Louder then I'll sing Your praise." 

There were many moments in the past month where I thought I was living my worst nightmare. I thought I was going through hell. I didn't see purpose. I didn't see hope. All I saw was the pain I was in and that I was ready to be done. I needed to get help and fast. I had a few meetings with a counselor and through prayer and guidance I chose to leave the field. 

I don't know what is in store for me in this next season. I know God knows. My prayer comes from another verse of this song, "Take this mountain weight Take these ocean tears Hold me through the trial Come like hope again." I know that this next season will not be easy as I wrestle with where the symptoms of depression came from and rediscover a burning passion for God and his calling in my life. 

Another reason that I love this song is that it emphasizes praising God in the good and the bad. With where I am right now I am struggling to praise the Lord. Each day I have to make a conscience decision to look for one thing in my day to praise God for and thank him for it. 


"Even When It Hurts (Praise Song)"
Take this fainted heart
Take these tainted hands
Wash me in Your love
Come like grace again

Even when my strength is lost
I'll praise You
Even when I have no song
I'll praise You
Even when it's hard to find the words
Louder then I'll sing Your praise

I will only sing Your praise
I will only sing Your praise
I will only sing Your praise

Take this mountain weight
Take these ocean tears
Hold me through the trial
Come like hope again

Even when the fight seems lost
I'll praise You
Even when it hurts like hell
I'll praise You
Even when it makes no sense to sing
Louder then I'll sing Your praise

I will only sing Your praise
I will only sing Your praise
I will only sing Your praise

And my heart burns only for You
You are all You are all I want
And my soul waits only for You
And I will sing till the morning has come

Lord my heart burns only for You
You are all You are all I want
And my soul waits only for You
And I will sing till the miracle comes

I will only sing Your praise
I will only sing Your praise
I will only sing Your praise

Even when the morning comes
I'll praise You
Even when the fight is won
I'll praise You
Even when my time on earth is done
Louder then I'll sing your praise

I will only sing Your praise

The battles of a homesick missionary

I worked as a camp counselor for several summers during my college years. I remember during the first night of every week with the junior campers being told to be alert for homesick campers. I say junior campers because they are at the age of 8-11 where they are spending time away from home for the first time in their lives. To be honest I never understood homesickness in my campers. Yes, I sympathized with them but I never fully understood. Primarily because when I was a junior camper I was the one saying, "bye, Mom and Dad" before we even unloaded my things from the car.

Now, at 25 years old, I can say I have experienced homesickness. I remember during my first few months in Colorado feeling a minor longing for the comforts of home. Soon after I made friends and I consider my year in CO to be one of the most influential years of my life. I can truthfully say that I am experiencing homesickness right now like I've never experienced. It's no fun. Most of the time it rears it's ugly head at night as I'm settling in for bed. Personally, at night it's much easier to handle. I say a prayer and ask for sweet dreams and then I fall asleep. Luckily since being in Peru I have never had any issues with sleeping.

However, a couple weeks ago it started to show itself first thing in the morning before I even get out of bed. This is where it is hard. Hard to get out of bed. Hard to stop crying. Hard to maintain a positive attitude. Yes, this is an opportunity to see God at work in tangible ways throughout the day but it is exhausting. Not only is learning a new language and culture already exhausting it is even more exhausting to put your mind on a new thought path. One that doesn't involve thoughts of the familiar and the comfortable, one that doesn't involve thinking of the things that you loved back at home. It's hard. It's exhausting.

A couple weeks ago, Monday through Thursday, I had to face this dreaded beast called homesickness everyday when I woke up. I had to make a conscious decision every morning to thank God for bringing me this far. I cannot fight this battle without him. But I need to be honest. This battle is not getting easier. With each passing day and being more tired and exhausted than the previous day make it hard to do it all over again. I know my God is bigger than my circumstances and that he will help me through this. I ask for prayer. That each day I can make steps forward. That God would give me clarity for what his purpose for me in Peru is. Because when all you can think about is life back at home your view of why you are where you are becomes jaded.

So former campers of mine. I get it now. I'm sorry for not understanding. Homesickness is no easy beast to overcome.

It's been a couple weeks since I initially wrote the above. I've changed things around a little because these strong homesickness feelings are in the past. Yes, here and now thoughts of home and tears come flooding but I'm doing much better.

After having some good but hard conversations with missionaries here I'm learning to have contentment with where I am. It's not easy. Right now I am lacking a clear view of what the future holds for me beyond language school. I'm not going to go into all the details but here are specific ways you can be praying for me over the next month:
-Pray for eyes to see my potential for ministry here
-Pray for my excitement for the ministry here to return
-Pray for me to keep an open mind
-Pray that I would be able to see tangible areas of ministry to get involved in after I complete language school without having to completely start a new program.

Thanks for your prayers. I really have felt God intervening as my homesickness this week has subsided and I have been able to think more clearly. This has been made evident in my Spanish studies as this week my imagination for writing in Spanish has started to come. Here's a favorite that I wrote having to use 5 irregular verbs in the present tense: "Yo persigo mi pollo. Mi favorito tipo de pollo es cuando yo lo frío. Yo me despido del pollo y sirvolo. Yo sonrío porque me gusta pollo frito." Translation: I persecute my chicken. My favorite type of chicken is when I fry it. I say goodbye to the chicken and serve it. I smile because I like fried chicken."

"Just keep getting back up."

This evening I spent a good amount of time dividing my piles to bring to Peru into three piles. One for each suitcase I will be bringing with. When I hit a good stopping point I decided to put the piles into the bags and weigh them. Just to see what I'm dealing with and how much I have left before the weight becomes an issue. As I zipped one of the bags shut with contents thrown in to weigh it. That's when it hit. Rather blind sided. Hit like a fly ball out of left field. A wrecking ball. I was hit with a wall of emotions. I'm ACTUALLY moving to Peru. A week from tomorrow I board a plane. In seven short days this idea that I've been gearing up for for almost two years is coming to fruition. I'm ACTUALLY doing this. I'd be lying if I said there were no tears. I was hit with the sadness of leaving family. The excitement of a new adventure. The scared feeling of the unknown that comes with a new adventure. Anger because of the things I already know I will be missing like birthdays and holidays. Happy because this season has brought lots of different people back into my life who I haven't spoke to in a while. Tender because sometimes the actions that others have presented during this season leave me feeling loved and cared for. Now if you're familiar with S.A.S.H.E.T. you will have noticed that I am feeling every emotion under the sun. Which is hard for me to accept. I don't typically put my emotions in a powerpoint presentation for the world to see but right now I feel it's necessary. With all the transition in my life right now I know one thing for sure. Jesus is with me. He is here with me and all my emotions. He knows exactly how to comfort when I need comfort. He knows exactly how to love when I need love. He knows exactly how to give peace when I have a restless mind.

I also know another thing to be true. God has given me a ministry to fulfill that I cannot do on my own. (If I'm citing sources this is where I would enter a footnote because this thought comes from Beth Moore. I'll come back to her soon.) A couple years back while interning in Colorado a phrase that was repeated many times was this, "The sovereign God has entrusted me with a portion of his kingdom. How am I going to treat it? How am I going to take care of it?" Yesterday morning I sat in on the first video of Beth Moore's Bible study, Entrusted. One of the key points this week was that we can't do this life alone. We need people to do life alongside. We need people who are our Paul's, our mentors. We need people who are our Timothy's, our mentees. We need friends, who will go through the trenches and back with us because that's what friends do. You're probably wondering why on earth I took a huge rabbit trail from talking about Peru and emotions to talking about being entrusted with a portion of God's kingdom and not being able to do it alone. Well here's the connection. In seven days the kingdom I've been entrusted with, the ministry I am to fulfill, is going to drastically change. Yes, there are definitely parts that will remain the same. Family and friends will still be a part of it but the role in which I feed into their lives and theirs into mine is going to shift. The people I encounter regularly is going to change. The people who go through the trenches with me here and now will not be able to go through the trenches with me to the same extent in seven days. I'll need new people to do that. I'll need a new Paul in my life, I'll need a new Timothy in my life. Quite frankly, this idea of not being able to fulfill the ministry that God's called me to on my own is a little scratch that, IS terrifying when you don't have a support system built up around you. Now I know with time I will have a support system. God's brought people into my life once during a lonely period and I know he will do it again. Because he has entrusted me with a portion of his kingdom. He has given me a ministry to fulfill and I can't do it by myself, as much as the introvert would like to, I know I can't. I need Jesus. I need friends. I need my people. Beth Moore finished her video session with five important words for when I feel like I can't do it anymore, "Just keep getting back up." When learning Spanish is hurting my brain and I feel defeated, "Just keep getting back up." When the public transportation system is overwhelming, "Just keep getting back up." When communicating with my host family is difficult because of the language barrier, "Just keep getting back up." When I've hit my end and I don't want to get up, "Jesus, help me get back up."

Eight Christmas Ornaments of Thanksgiving

Typically I'm not one for putting Christmas decorations up until after Thanksgiving. However, this year has been a little different. This year my family is traveling for Thanksgiving and because we will be out of town on our usual Black-Friday-stay-in-the-house-and-put-up-Christmas-decorations day, we decided that today would be a good day.
Now another summary before I get to the point. Every year since I can remember my mom, or should I say Santa, left my brother and I a Christmas ornament in our stocking. Usually the ornament had to do with something significant that had happened during the year. For example, my ornament for 2002 is of a girl playing the clarinet. I started, and if we're being honest, stopped playing the clarinet in the year 2002.
Now that you know that background story let's move on to the point. Today after putting the Christmas tree up in the family room with mom I went down to my apartment to put my own little three foot Christmas tree up. Oh. One thing I forgot to say about the ornaments. My mom ended up giving my brother and I all of our ornaments for Christmas during our first year that we "moved out of the house". Jokes on her because I moved back in a year later... anyways, all of the ornaments that I have collected are now on my own Christmas tree. No more of the macaroni noodle ornaments that I made in first grade to be seen.
Back to the point again. Today I was putting my ornaments on the tree and I realized something. Each ornament holds a story. Because of my mom choosing to get ornaments for significant happenings each ornament brings about something that is special to me. Memories. Nostalgic moments. And finally, things that I'm thankful for. Hence the title, Eight Christmas Ornaments of Thanksgiving.
I'm going to take an opportunity right now and share a few ornaments with you and why I'm thankful for them. Starting with the oldest to the most recent ornament.
1. The first ornament is a softball. I spent 12 years of my life playing the wonderful game. This sport made me a fan of baseball. (I actually know what's happening unlike other sports) Softball taught me how to be a team player. We win together. We lose together. When one player hits a homer we all celebrate. When one player has a rough day we all encourage. I'm thankful for the 12 years I spent on the diamond. It allowed me to learn to work with others. Turns out. Introverts have to do that for the rest of their lives whether we like it or not.

2. This star ornament I received as a thank you for serving in Children's Ministry at Glen Ellyn Bible Church in 2005. I know it's not a stocking ornament. That doesn't mean I can't be thankful for it. Back in 2005 I would have survived my first year of middle school and started in on my second. This year would also be the year that I first served regularly, year round, in Children's Ministry. Something that I would continue to do, for the next, oh let's see, 11 years and counting... Serving in Children's Ministry has taught me numerous things. But most importantly, you're never too young to understand that Jesus loves you. 

 3. This ornament I received my sophomore year of high school, 2008. It marks my first trip across an ocean without my family. This trip taught me all sorts of things. From how to pack light to how to not get pick pocketed to how to get through customs by myself to how to not lose my passport.

4. The next two pictures go hand in hand. The first is Taylor University followed by 3CO, which stands for Third Center Olson, the dorm and wing I lived at during my four years at Taylor. I'm not sure I can sum up four years into a short paragraph but I'll do my best. 3CO is a major contributor to bringing me out of my shell. I got to do life alongside some wonderful sisters who challenged me, supported me, listened to me, laughed with me, and cried with me. But I can't forget the academic side of my time at Taylor. Christian Educational Ministries and the professors and friendships that came with it helped form and shape me in my professional field. Because of the encouragement of a professor I would have not stepped foot in Colorado a few months after graduation but that's a different ornament for later down the road.

5. If you look closely at this cowboy hat you will notice it has VCBC written on the brim of the hat. This stands for Village Creek Bible Camp. 2011. This marks my first W-2 job. The theme that summer was Frontier. This summer I would be stretched in ways I never thought possible. As a cabin counselor Sunday afternoons would become my least favorite part of the week as I introduced myself to another group of campers. Remember I'm an introvert. Meeting one new person is cool. Meeting eight new people who would live with me for the next week. Well it would grow on me. Because Saturday mornings were so hard to say goodbye to campers when you know that camp is a place where they feel loved and known. I'm thankful for camp and the many summers that I continued to work there beyond 2011.

6. This next ornament would not hold near as much significance now if it weren't for current life situations. This is one of two ornaments that my mom gave me that were made in Peru. I received these in 2013 after I had been on my month long missions trip to the country that I will be moving to in about 2 months. Looking at these ornaments I'm thankful for God's plan. It is so much better than I could have ever imagined and although scary and confusing at times He always remains faithful in his leading.

7. This candy cane was painted and given to me by Chloe in 2013. This would be the last year that I would serve at Basics. Chloe was one of the girls that I had the privilege of having in my small group at Basics for four years. Although this was given by one of my girls I can't help but think of them all when I see it. It reminds me to pray for her and the other girls as they are now freshman in high school! Yikes. They were in 3rd grade when I started serving at Basics. Looking at this candy cane I'm thankful for the years I had to invest in these girls while at school. I'm thankful for the things they taught me. For example, I'm a very by the books person. I'm a rule follower. So when it came to small group Bible study time. We were going to hear their verses, sign off on Bible readings, do the study, then pray, then dismiss. In that order. Every. Wednesday. Night. What I learned as time went on was to be flexible. You don't HAVE to do the study every week. In fact you can play ninja and spend the whole time laughing. Because sometimes we all just need to laugh.

8. Last and certainly not least. Colorado. After graduating from college I would move to Colorado to intern at a very very very very large church. Flatirons Community Church. While very skeptical at first I would soon become a part of Flatirons culture. This year in Colorado was the hardest year to date for me. I'm sure I have a harder year ahead of me in Peru but at this point I haven't experienced it yet. I'm so incredibly thankful for the year in CO. I am thankful for the friends I made. Many of which are supporting me as I will serve in Peru. The biggest thing I'm thankful for right now is for the confidence and voice that I discovered. God revealed to me many things during the year. One of which was confidence in myself to do the things I hate the most to see Him show his power. For example, public speaking in any form. Growing up I never enjoyed speaking in front of any group. Period. In college I would get so nervous that I couldn't eat in fear of throwing up. Well that all changed during my year in CO. I would be challenged to face this fear head first. By the end of the year I would willingly volunteer to speak or teach in front of many different groups. From 1st and 2nd graders, to adult leader meetings, to sharing my story about Peru in front of the whole congregation at Glen Ellyn Bible Church. (Sorry. That one was long.)

So there you have it. Eight ornaments of thankfulness. During this season Thanksgiving and more importantly, Christmas, I want to remind you to be thankful. Christmas is such an easy time to become greedy for the material objects. Don't get me wrong. Presents are great. But I want to challenge you to look beyond the item you want most to find someones greatest need. Maybe instead of receiving that want you can meet a need. So. Take a moment. Pause. Reflect. Thank God for the ways he has provided for you. Big or as small as a Christmas ornament.

March Madness and a Search for Community

Despite the title of this post it has nothing to do with March Madness basketball and everything to do with the madness that March brought in my life.

March started with a 5 day trip to Colorado. I had been counting down the days for this trip since I purchased the plane tickets in December. Yes, I purchased them 3 months in advance. I was excited. Anyways, in the days before the trip I was preparing my fundraising materials, filling up my calendar with coffee dates, dinner plans, lunch plans, housing arrangements and so forth. I was so excited to be back in one of the places where God helped me discover who I was in him and to be with the people who helped me along the way.

When I arrived I was instantly welcomed into the Veve household and was able to fill Lara in on the happenings of the past 7 months since moving away from CO. Conversation soon went from catching up to simply talking life and what God has been doing and sharing some of the struggles of fundraising and being back in Wheaton and missing CO. On the Tuesday of my trip I had the chance to spend all day at Flatirons. Sat in on team meetings, went to lunch with several Kids Ministry staff, had dinner with Lara, and then packed my bags to head north to spend a night with my cousin before heading home the next day. That was when the rush of emotions from the past 4 days caught up to me. I found myself driving north on I-25 towards Mead with tears flowing strong. Over the course of the 7 months I had been in Wheaton I knew I missed CO but I didn't quite know exactly what I missed. But in the span of 4 days I was able to pinpoint exactly what it was. I missed the friends. But not only the friends I missed the vulnerability that I had with these friends. They had seen me at my worst and at my best during my year of interning and after leaving they still welcomed me in with open arms 7 months later. Now many of them have committed to financially support me as I head out for Peru. I miss that community.

Now this is where the madness of March begins. During my time in CO I was able to realize the lack of community in my life. Not just any type of community though. I lack the community amongst my peers. People my age who I can do life with. Emphasis added to people my age. I have plenty of community with people older than me and younger than me but nothing with people my age. The longing and desire continued to grow.

A week after returning home I was sitting at church in my church membership interview when I was asked the question, "Is there anything that Glen Ellyn Bible Church can do better?" That's when I said it. I said, "GEBC does not have opportunities for young adults and college age students to come together for community." I then also emphasized that I didn't know the solution and that I was not the one to take it on because of my commitment to fundraising and the fact that I will be leaving in less than a year for Peru.

Late March just before Easter I had the opportunity to head to Village Creek Bible Camp for some prayer and reflection on what the next year would hold. Obviously I brought this whole lack of community to God in prayer and asked that he would put other young adults in my path to do life with. Like brick to the face God was like, "Alison, you say you want this but you aren't doing anything about it. DO SOMETHING!" At first I thought, God how can I do something when I don't know where to do something. Clearly the community can't be at Glen Ellyn Bible Church so where I am going to find it! Then there was silence. As if God was saying, "think harder."

I left camp feeling slightly defeated because I was hoping to have an answer to this whole lack of community thing. I continued to pray about it. Then I got to thinking. "What I am going to do for community once women's Bible study finishes for the summer? I could join a small group. But then I can't visit small groups to present about Peru. So that's not an option. I wonder if there is anyone doing college ministry this summer. I wonder if I could help lead that... Wait. No there's no one." This whole train of thought brought me to this. I am supposed to be that person. I am supposed to be that person who welcomes in the college and young adults into my home for community. I have the space. I have the time. I need to community and if I need it someone else needs it as well. I'm excited for this vision that God has planted in me. I don't know exactly what it will look like yet. But I do know that this summer my basement apartment will be open and available to the college and young adults of Glen Ellyn Bible Church as well as their friends. I don't have details yet. But they will come. I'm excited to see what God makes of this summer and the community that will form because I am following his call to open my doors to the college and young adults in the Glen Ellyn and Wheaton area. With that, if you are a young adult or college student looking for something do this summer please contact me. I'd love to hear from you and see what ideas you have on what this community could look like. If you are not a young adult or college student please pray with me. Pray that the people who need this will come. If you know of a college student or young adult who needs this send their names to me. I want to reach out to them and invite them.

All Fear Removed

A couple of weeks ago I had the opportunity to attend the IF:Gathering. More specifically the IF:Wheaton, IF: Local, IF: Gathering. Basically a live stream of the IF: Gathering that took place in Austin, TX with local Wheaton women at a local church. During this weekend one of the songs that we sang quite a few times was Sinking Deep by Hillsong. I sang along the first time mindlessly singing the words not really thinking about what I was singing. Let alone singing in praise to God. The second time we sang the song I started to listen to the words. What exactly was I singing? What was I singing praise about? While listening to the chorus I became deeply convicted of something that I have been dealing with in my own life. Fear. The chorus goes as follows: 
I'm wide awake, drawing close, stirred by grace
And all my heart is yours
All fear removed, I breathe you in, I lean into
Your love, oh, your love
There are those words, "all fear removed." It didn't read just a little fear or some fear. No. It read ALL fear removed. Here I thought I was doing good in the fear category. I mean I'm moving to another country within the year to do ministry. You'd think this wasn't an issue for me. Yet I still find myself stopped, dead in my tracks, by those four letters. FEAR. I couldn't rightfully sing the song anymore. At least not until I confronted my big ugly fear head on. Low and behold during that very session of the IF:Gathering we were going to confess our sin. Oh goodie! During the confession, on the screen different sins would be flashed up. If we had committed that sin we would light up our phone screens and shine the light into the darkness. Yes. A very hi-tech confession but nonetheless a powerful visual to watch. As sin after sin flashed up on to the screen I found myself waiting for my moment to confess my living out of fear. Then up on the screen, as if God had written that slide for me personally, it read, "If you've been making decisions out of fear." I shone my phone into the darkness, shed light on the sin in my life and confess that I am not perfect and that I need God's help. 

As the evening continued we sang Sinking Deep again only this time instead of the words "all fear removed" sticking out. It was the latter part, "I lean into your love." I realize that fear is not the easiest sin to defeat but if I lean into God's love. Defeating it will become much easier. I'll be the first to admit that I still live out of fear. But knowing that it is out in the open and in the light and that I have given it to God and prayed for his help on the journey to defeat it will be easier. I say easier because, simply put, it's not easy. But with God working in me and through me it is definitely becoming easier. During the passing days since the IF:Gathering I continue to pray that God would not let me make decisions out of my fear and slowly I'm starting to see fruition. 

If you've never heard the song before I'd go ahead and take a listen. Down there↓