Goodbye 2014, Hello 2015!

And just like that it is already the last day of 2014. It's crazy how fast this past year has gone and all that the year held. In the last 365 days, I finished a 60 page research paper on my philosophy of ministry in the context of an urban after school program, graduated from college, saw one of my best friends get married, worked at VCBC for the summer in multiple positions, and then moved to Colorado and started my internship at Flatirons Community Church. To say that this year has been busy would be an understatement.

This past year has been a year in which I have had to put my faith in God's plan on the first burner. Starting 2014 not know what was in store for after graduation to then knowing what was in store and having to put full faith that I was following the call that God placed on my heart to spend a summer at camp and then the following 11 months in Colorado. To say the least I'm incredibly thankful that God gave me clarity in times where I didn't know and courage during times of doubt. Now that I've lived in Colorado for four months I've started my own routine. I've made new friends, started new habits, gotten rid of some bad habits, and all the way have had to trust that God is with me each step of this journey called life.

I'm very excited to say that during the last stretch of my internship I will be focusing on West Campus Kids and Elementary at Lafayette Campus. I'm so excited that I get the opportunity to see God work in two different areas of Colorado. I'm excited to be a part of the tight knit community that is the West Campus team as well as be a part of a bigger community at Lafayette. I'm excited to take some initiative in reaching out to the young adult leaders within Kids Ministry and to have the opportunity to teach more at the West Campus.

As excited as I am to be a part of the work that God is doing here at Flatirons it was very hard to come back after such an amazing time at home, in Wheaton. After lots of thinking and some conversations I have realized that I didn't want to come back because I didn't want to go back to the unfamiliar. In Wheaton I can drive the streets and know where I'm going and how long it will take me to get from point A to point B. In Wheaton I know people and the people know me. In Wheaton I'm comfortable and feel safe. In Colorado I feel safe and comfortable within my living situations but within the everyday job I walk in with this feeling of uncertainty that keeps me from being completely comfortable. Which has been a good and a bad thing. I know that I'm not called to be comfortable. Nowhere in Scriptures does God promise that I will be comfortable but with my uncomfortableness I have to trust that He will be my comforter. The last four months have made me trust more in what He has in store for me than ever before. I do know that over the past four months I have formed a family with my Flatirons community. If it were not for them and the prayer team I have at home and the faith that I have in Jesus. I would not have been able to step onto the plane that took me back to Denver on the first of the year.

In this next year I already know that I will be pushed and stretched farther than I ever have before. I know that there will be times of uncertainty as I get closer to the internship end date in July. But I know in full confidence that God has a plan for me. I need to keep my eyes focused on Him and He will give me the clarity in need in times of uncertainty just as He has done in the past. I don't know if I will be here in Colorado, Illinois, Indiana, or some other part of the country of even some other part of the globe. I do know that God knows and as long as I remain faithful to Him in 2015 that I will satisfied because I am going after Him. So, hello 2015! I hope that you will be another year of adventure as I seek to become more like Jesus with each passing day.

The Christmas Spirit

I love Christmas. It is one of my favorite times of year. All of the parties, tacky Christmas sweaters, candy canes, Christmas trees, gingerbread houses... The list goes on. In my 23 years of life Christmas has taken on many traditions. Each year I help my mom decorate the Christmas tree we look at all of the ornaments and are flooded with memories of Christmas' past. Christmas music blasts through the house or White Christmas plays in the family room while we put decorations up around the whole house instantly creating a scene that resembles a Christmas shop that sells Christmas items year round. Each year on Christmas day I open up my stocking and see a new ornament to place on the tree. Usually it represents something of significance that has happened during the past year. We have the Koch family celebration on Christmas Eve and the Harsch family feast on Christmas Day. We play games, decorate a gingerbread house, and open up our new presents. I love Christmas.

I love Christmas. During the last four years during my time at Taylor I formed new traditions. Taylor traditions. Silent Night basketball games, Candles and Carols chapel service, Christmas openhouses, Christmas pick-a-dates, and the Hallipolooza Christmas Party. I love Christmas.

However, this year is different. I still love Christmas but my surroundings are different. I'm not able to be home to decorate the Christmas tree. I'm not a Taylor dressing up in my PJs for Silent Night. Instead I'm in Colorado with two poinsettias and icicle lights around my house. My Christmas decorations sit in a box in Wheaton. I'm in the spot where I can create my own traditions now. Many of my traditions, once I have a place of my own, will include aspects of the traditions that I grew up with. Which leads me to this year.

This year, on December 1st, I started a new reading Advent plan. Each day I read a story from the Jesus Storybook Bible starting the the first story and working my way through to the 25th on Christmas morning. When thinking about starting this Advent plan I thought this is something that if I were to ever have a family of my own someday I would want to do this with them. Through reading these short little Bible stories each morning I have been able to fill myself up with the simple truths of God's Word. That he sent his Son into the world to die for my sins. That he was born into a broken and sinful world and he himself remained perfect. I'm excited for this new Christmas tradition that I have started and look forward to how I will grow and learn from in during the remainder of this season as well as in Christmas' to come.

Preschool Adventures

For the month of November I have been in my preschool rotation. This month has been crazy busy! And I love it! Despite getting a head cold and a stomach bug this month has been wonderful. The month started off with a bang when we had record breaking numbers a 7,000 jump from the previous weekend. During this big weekend I was serving in the 5K room. We had 156 kiddos in one service! It was crazy but it was awesome to see so many kids come through the doors to hear about the love that Christ has for them.

The next day I got to adventure up the mountain to Evergreen where we filmed the videos for our preschool Christmas series. It was a cold and foggy day but so much fun to chase chickens, run around getting tea for everyone to stay warm and watching the whole thing come together at the end.

Then over the past several weeks I have been working on recruiting high school students at Rev to serve in Summit Kids. After two weeks of recruiting the night came and we had crappy snowy weather which resulted in a low turnout but we now know that if they are willing to drive in snow to come for training that they will likely drive through snow to serve on the weekend.

I got to make my teaching debut at Flatirons in the 4s room. I thought things went pretty well considering it was the 5:00pm service I served as the guinea pig to see if everything would work. I taught on the story of Naaman. Of course I couldn't help but think of camp and the Seven Dippy Dip song. Surprisingly I didn't break out in song. I loved serving in the 4s room. Those kiddos are so fun and entertaining.

This month I also got to have dinner with my CO3 small group which was wonderful! These group of new friends have been so great to get to know. Since we were a small group we have shared some tough stuff about our lives with each other. I have loved having these guys in my life over the past month and I'm so excited where God is gonna take our little group.

This past month we had our Staff Christmas party. So much fun and laughter had. We had good food although I'm pretty sure that's what made me sick on Tuesday so it was good when I ate it but not so great the next day. Impulse Improv theater was there and lots of laughter was had by all. Seriously the longer I work with the staff of flatirons the more I love them.

Now onto the meat of this month of what I've been learning. This month I've had a couple of hard conversations. In the midst of these conversations I've been learning a lot about myself and some things that I need let God take out of my hands. One was my lack of trust in the people around me. I've learned that in my past, specifically during my childhood, I had a few friendships that were not the best for me and ended up shaping how I made friends in the future. I've learned that it takes me a long time to build up trust in my friends. I remember it was this time last year when I finally felt like I could trust my friends. Now, I'm living in a new state away from my closest friends and I'm having to build new friends. I've learned that building trust is hard for me. I never knew this about myself until now because this is the first time that I have been in a place where I'm uncomfortable in my surroundings and don't really know the people around me which means I have to build my trust in them.

Another thing that I've been reminded of this month has been in our reading this month. We are reading When Helping Hurts, which I would highly recommend for anyone in ministry not just on the missions field. While reading this book one thing that I have reminded of is that God was there before I was there, while I was there, and after I was there. This hit a trigger point in me because of my time spent in Peru. One thing our team constantly reminded each other was that God is with them. It was hard to leave them because we thought that it was our love that changed them when in reality it was God using us to show them the love of Christ.

This month although a great month in general has also been very hard in the sense that I have been incredibly homesick. More homesick than I have ever been before. However, the night when it was the worst I texted a few of my friends and asked for prayer and almost immediately felt at peace. But over Thanksgiving my family flew out from Chicago and we drove up the mountain to Estes Park and were able to spend the holiday together in the mountains. We went hiking at Bear and Sprague Lake in Rocky Mountain National Park. After a few days up the mountain we drove to Lafayette on Sunday morning for church. I loved being able to show my parents around the place that I've called home for the past three months. I got to show them around Flatirons and take them to my favorite local barbeque, Lulu's. Then we went to my house and got to relax until it was time to take them to the airport.

The phrase, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" couldn't be more true for the phase of my life. Being away from my family and my church family have been hard but I have grown to love the time that I had in Glen Ellyn and Wheaton. It's because of the people and their influence in my life that I am the person I am today.

5,000 Postcards, 90s Dance Party, and Ravencrest

Since my last post about 3 weeks ago life has really picked up in pace. So I've got a lot of ground to cover if I'm going to keep you all filled in on the happenings of my life.

So, first things first, 5,000 postcards.
This month has been the month of recruiting volunteers. Actually we recruit volunteers year round however, in our Early Childhood and Preschool departments we are very short in volunteers and in order to get above water we needed 200 more volunteers. I know, 200. It's a crazy number for me to comprehend as well. With that being said there was one weekend where we were supposed to have an announcement given from the stage about the upcoming trainings we had. Due to some unforeseeable circumstances the announcement didn't happen. The result. Print, copy, and cut 5,000 postcards to pass out at the doors for Sunday morning services. Then this resulted...

Yes, that's 5,000 postcards. But one cool story of this whole happening. The following weekend while working in kiosk, a big burly man with a mohawk comes up to us holding a postcard from the previous week and tells us that a woman dove out of her way to hand him this postcard. He then said that this must be God giving him sort of sign to attend training and get involved in Summit at church. We then directed him to the leader training room. We ended up getting 110 people at our training. Not the number we were looking for but we are incredibly thankful for the people who have committed to showing Christ's love to the kids of Summit. 

Now onto the 90s dance party.

This past weekend I had the opportunity to go CO3, a conference for Young Adults, up the mountain in Estes Park at the YMCA. To say that this weekend was awesome would be an understatement. It was filled with laughter, tears, food, bad coffee, good coffee, little sleep, and deep real conversations with people I just met on Friday. Each session was powerful and convicting. I left each session having learned something new. However, there was one in particular that really resonated with me. It was Sunday morning and the young adult pastor from a church in Boulder was speaking. He gave a talk on the prodigal son but with more emphasis on the older son than is usually given when this parable is preached. As I listened to the sermon I found myself relating more to this story than I ever have before. Typically, I hear about the younger son who asked for his inheritance, basically saying, "Dad, I wish you were dead so I can have your money." The he runs off, screws his life up, spends all his inheritance, then comes back home and is welcomed with open arms and grace. Meanwhile the older son has lived at home and has obeyed his parents and wonders why his parents would throw a party for his runaway brother rather than reward him for obeying his parents and not running way. This is what got me. I was the good kid growing up. Don't get me wrong though, I did plenty of bad stuff in my life too. But I was the kid who followed the rules because I didn't like getting into trouble with my parents. Then just today while reading One Way Love by Tullian Tchividjian I read this, "I was building my own identity, my own righteousness, but this time it was a religious "Christian" righteousness, an identity of being the good son." WOW! Talk about a great tie in to the session from yesterday morning. This is what I have done in my own life from time to time. I created this persona of I'm a good Christian because I follow the rules making it seem like I have it all together when I reality I have created righteous identity that says I follow the rules so you should too. This is not the person I want to be. Then I read in One Way Love a few pages later about having to be able to balance out grace with law. If we have too much grace we need more law, if we have too much law we need more grace.  The downfall is that when we are perfectly balancing the two it keeps us from experiencing the Gospel of grace. Now, I bet you are wondering what 90's Dance Party has to do with any of this. Well, to close out Saturday night we danced the night away with 90's music and 90's jumpsuits.

Last but not least, Ravencrest.

9 years ago, the summer between 8th grade and my freshman year of high school, I went on a trip with my youth group to Ravencrest Chalet in Estes Park, CO. This trip was very influential in the person I am today. Actually, had I not gone in this trip I probably wouldn't have gone to Taylor, wouldn't have gotten involved in ministry, and wouldn't be living in Colorado today. You see, it was at Ravencrest that I recommitted my life to the Lord after one of the toughest years of my life. I decided during my 8th grade year that I was too cool for my friends at school resulting in having no friends at school. Then I badly twisted my ankle resulting in no more softball for the season. Then to put the icing on the cake my grandfather passed away two days before my graduation from middle school thus taking me into the darkest point of my life when I wanted to nothing to do with God because I was putting the blame on him for taking my friends, softball, and my grandfather away from me. Then I went to Ravencrest. I remember there was one night in which I sat on a rock outside to have a quiet time. It was in that moment when I realized the brokenness that I was living in and how I needed Jesus to be the center of my life again. I can't even begin to imagine what my life would look like had I not gone to Ravencrest. While driving to Estes Park I just so happened to pass Ravencrest for the first time in 9 years. So I couldn't help but take a picture. 

And for funsies I'm gonna post a throwback to when I was at Ravencrest 9 years ago.

Yes, I am wearing a drive the bus t-shirt and Vote for Pedro baseball hat and that was my I'm not gonna smile for pictures phase. That phase ended shortly after this picture was taken. 

With all that being said, life is good. I'm feeling incredibly blessed to have the job that I have here in Colorado and to have built up some new friendships this past weekend up in the mountains. 

Home, Vulnerability, Community

Since moving to Colorado people ask me on a regular basis if I miss home. I'd be a liar if I said I didn't miss home in some way, shape, or form. There are definitely parts that I think of daily that I miss. I recall one of the conversations that I had with my mom on the drive out here about home and how it really isn't home anymore. In some senses you could say that Wheaton hasn't been my home for the past four years. From September to May I would call Upland, IN home and from June to August I would call Lansing, IA home and occasionally I would call Wheaton home if I was going home for Christmas or Easter. There was a short period between transitions from Lansing to Upland or Lansing to Lafayette where I would have called myself homeless. My belongings were all in boxes and bins and while I had a roof over my head and a bed to sleep in home was just not home anymore. How can you call the place where you live out of a suitcase on visits home? This house that I grew up in now was just a house where my parents live. Even though this is a rather sad realization to make, that none of these places are considered home anymore, each of them helped me shape my worldview and gave me community. 

Which brings us to where I am now. A month ago when I moved to Colorado to start my 11 month long internship at Flatirons Community Church I came in with my own, rather skeptical, view of mega churches. After visiting Willow Creek in Barrington, IL this past January my view was slightly better but still skeptical. My skepticism primarily came from the idea that I didn't see true community happening in a mega church. But this past week my skepticism was proved wrong. 

In the course of 24 hours two events happened that have altered my thoughts of community in the mega church. First one happened last night at the intern guys' apartment. Last night we all got together for brinner (breakfast for dinner). We had a blast in the kitchen cooking the pancakes, eggs, bacon, and cinnamon rolls. After we finished eating we sat on the floor of the family room and started talking about why we chose to do the internship and what some of our struggles have been since starting and how we have already seen God do a number on our lives. If you had told me a month ago that I would be willing to share some of my deepest struggles with my fellow interns I would have probably told you that you're nuts. It's only my closest friends that I have known for years that I share those things with. But that's exactly what happened. I shared some stuff that I'm struggling with to my fellow interns. I was willing to be vulnerable with a group of people I met for the first time a month ago and it feels like we've been friends for years. 

The second event that happened was just this morning at staff devos. Each Tuesday morning at 9 AM we all gather to share stories and updates from the past week, then a devo is given by one staff person, then we sing some worship songs, then we share prayer requests and then close in prayer. This morning started off like any other staff devo until we hit the prayer requests portion. One person shared a trial going on in their family and it was a like a spring board. After that person there was another and another and another that shared tough things happening in their families and households. I just sat there taking in all that I was witnessing happening before me. It was incredible. It was so cool to see community happening before my very own eyes. In that moment I realized that I thought, "Wow, I have a really awesome church family." That is when I took a double take. Wait, did I just call Flatirons, a church of 20,000 my church family? Yes, I did. It was really strange moment for me. Because for the past 16 years of my life I have called Glen Ellyn Bible Church my church family. Now, GEBCers, don't get me wrong, you are still my family. In fact, it is because of you that I am where I am today. Because you were such an awesome church family for 16 years it made any church I attended during college hard to call my church family which is probably why that never happened. So thank you. With that being said, today I am feeling incredibly blessed to work at a place that is in fact messy and that we embrace that messiness and live life alongside one another. I'm thankful for this community that is vulnerable with one another and allows others to be a part of some of the hardest parts of their lives. Thank you Flatirons for being a place that is broken and messy but filled with grace and compassion and a "me too" environment. 

Finally, I want to leave you all with a passage from Acts 2:42-47, which is all about a community of believers who come together in community and fellowship. "They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe at the many wonders and signs performed by the apostles. All the believers were together and had everything in common. They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved."

Post Grad Blues

I remember time and time again, as a senior in college, hearing college graduates talk about things they wished they would have known before graduation. One of those things that makes the list every single time is that making friends outside of school is tough. A lot tougher than one might think. For the first time in our lives, as a fresh out of school grad, we are faced with everything new. Well, for the most part. Some may move back home, while others move across country, while some even move to a whole new country altogether. Nonetheless, each of us is experiencing something new. For me, this was a move to a new state, new town, new job, new house, new church (which is also my job), and even a new time zone.

Needless to say, there have been some ups and downs since graduation. At the start of summer life was what I would call a "normal" summer. I went to work at Village Creek, the place that I have called my summer job of the past three summers, and just did my thing. I was able to reconnect with old friends and make some new ones. But in general this summer was the same old summer. Nothing to dramatically new other than a different job title. I remember thinking, "Wow, those college grads got it all wrong with making friends post grad! I've made lots of friends!"Then I remember that I am not really in a typical job setting yet. The challenging, real life, big kid job was still ahead of me, as well as a move across the country.

Now that I have been living in Colorado for a little over a month I wish I could eat my thoughts from just two months ago. Making friends has proven to be a challenge and reality. Don't get me wrong I love my housemates and the people I work with. However, you do need friends outside of both the work and house environment. For me, the people at the house also happen to be awesome people that I work with everyday. With all that being said, if there was one thing that I wish I would have known before graduation it would be that making friends outside of school is tough. But I wouldn't leave it at that.

It didn't hit me until this past weekend how much I truly miss Taylor University and the wonderful people that I was able to do life with. I miss being able to wander the rooms of Third Center Olson and stop in to chat with each of the girls. I miss wing worship and "ding winners." I miss chapel. I miss, oddly enough, my classes. I miss the awesome 12 CE majors that were able to conquer the massive P. Strat paper with me. I miss the fellowship. I miss my professors who not only cared about my academics but cared for me as an individual. So, again, if there was one thing that I wish I would have known before graduation it would be that you don't realize how difficult it is to find a Taylor equivalent community until you realize the impact that the Taylor community has had on your life. This includes the friendships that were made. To be quite honest, I have been more homesick for Taylor over the past 24 hours than I have ever been. I thought I missed Taylor when it was the last day of summer and I couldn't wait to get back to my home away from home the next day. But I was wrong. I miss Taylor now more than anything.

With that being said, Taylor University, thank you for setting my standards for a Christian community so high. Thank you for challenging me beyond what I thought possible. Thank you for the memories and laughter and tears. Thank you for a beyond exceptional education that prepared me to work and serve with excellence at my current job. Thank you for an education that is grounded in Scripture and in Christ. Even though, I may have the 'post grad blues' right now. I am incredibly thankful that God gave me the opportunity to attend Taylor University and to be involved not only in the lives of those at Taylor but also involved in the Upland community. It is because of Christ that I can do anything and for Christ that I can do everything.

One month down!

It's hard to believe that tomorrow marks the one month anniversary since moving to Colorado. At times it seems like I've been here for a lifetime and at other times I definitely feel like I've been here for a month. In the last couple of weeks I have started attending Merge, a ministry for Young Adults. Here is what I wrote on Facebook after my first night of Merge: Tonight I did something that I don't do. Like. Ever. I went to a young adult ministry at Flatirons tonight called Merge. About 300-400, 18-26 year olds gathered together for community and fellowship. Being the introvert that I am I was terrified to go. However, I knew that if I didn't go the only young adults I will ever meet during my time at Flatirons will be the other interns. I love the other interns. They are awesome. But I knew that going to Merge would need to happen if I'm going to start to make friends. So after the dinner and speaker time we split into groups by age and from there into smaller groups of 6-8. I told myself that if I'm going to make friends I need to talk during the small group portion. And that is just what I did. There were moments throughout the night where I thought "What the crap am I doing?" Then peace settled in. I know that if friendships are something that I truly desire out of people then God is going to help me each step of the way to make friends. I'm so thankful that I was able to step out of my comfort zone tonight to talk in a small group to a group of complete strangers. The even cooler thing is that we didn't just talk surface level stuff we actually started talking about our struggles and fears and where we lack trust for God to come through. Tonight, I am feeling incredibly exhausted from all the people I have been around but I'm also feeling incredibly filled. Ready to pour out and into those around me. I'm feeling incredibly thankful for the leading of the Holy Spirit in my life that prompted me to speak with vulnerability to people that I didn't know.
I wrote that post two weeks ago. Since then I have had the opportunity to go back to Merge and to go out to dinner after the Saturday night services with many other young adults. Slowly but surely I am starting to make friends and I'm feeling very confident that my efforts, that are stretching me out of my comfort zone, will not go to waste. 
This past weekend I got to go the the Rockies game with one of my roommates, Anne. I had a great time getting to see a little bit of Denver and being in the baseball atmosphere. I love a good baseball game. Rockies won 15-2. There were also some awesome fireworks afterwards to end with a bang. Pun intended. 

Later on that weekend I got to chat with one of my wonderful college roommates, Jenn, over Skype. It was so great getting to catch up with her. Ministry wise this weekend I served in the 3rd through 5th grade room. I got to lead a small group for both the 5:00pm and 6:45pm services. During the 6:45pm service I was even lead in the classroom. I have absolutely loved being able to lead small groups for the kids. I love being able to see them engaged with the Bible stories and excited about what they are learning. I also got to take lead of the explanation of the small group activity during the leader meetings. It was nice to be able to step into this role to begin building the trust and respect of the elementary team as well as being able to interact more with the leaders. For the Sunday services I helped lead the small group portion of the leader meetings and then attended service and a leader training meeting. 
This past Monday we had one of our first "family dinners". The boys came over and cooked spaghetti and meatballs for us. We had a great time just sitting around the table fellowshipping with one another. There are always good laughs to be had when you get our group of interns together. 

This week I started a focus in Student Ministries. This means that for the next two weeks I will spend 5-10 hours a week working with Student Ministries. Last night I got to attend Revolution, the high school youth group. I had a great time getting to sit in on a small group of freshman girls. Hearing about what is going on in their lives and being reminded of the drama that comes with high school and how awesome my youth leaders were and are for putting up with our oh so important drama. So if you were one of my youth leaders reading this. THANK YOU! Tonight I will get to attend Controlled Chaos, the junior high youth group. I've heard that there is a huge difference between what I experienced last night and what I will experience tonight. I'm excited to see how crazy and energetic this 6th-8th graders are. 
Overall, I've really enjoyed my time at Flatirons so far. I have loved the work environment and the other interns. One of my favorite parts of the week other than the child interaction has been the all staff devos on Tuesday mornings. I love being able to listen to the ministry stories from other departments and spend time in prayer and worship through singing. I also love that it just starts my work day on Tuesday with an awesome start. I've enjoyed getting to learn more about the ins and outs of the elementary department in Summit Kids Ministry. 
Prayer Requests:
I've been struggling to find a time of the day that I can devote to spending time in the Word. If I do it in the morning I'm not awake enough. If I do it after work I'm exhausted from a long day. So I guess that leads to praying for sleep. I've been having difficulty sleeping for a couple of nights now. Since being involved this week with student ministries it means I have some late nights which doesn't help because my start time in the morning stays the same. At the end of October I will be going on Merge's CO3 weekend retreat in Estes Park. I'd love prayer for all of the young adults who will be going as well as prayer that it would be an influential weekend for me to get to know more people and be able to spend some time enjoying the mountains and learning more about my walk with the Lord.