What a month...

This past month has probably been the largest emotional roller coaster of my life. I don't even like roller coasters. Which means the past month was hard. It may have been hard but it was a good kind of hard. The kind of hard where you come out the other end and you are thankful that it was hard otherwise you would have not learned anything about life and the plans that God has in it. I'm thankful that God allows us to learn amidst hard situations.

You see, this past month was filled with applications, interviews, visits from parents, conversations about my future, many hours in prayer, and many moments of confusion. Oh and a super tough retreat that rocked me to my core.

This month I filled out the first two applications for TEAM. TEAM stands for The Evangelical Alliance Mission. TEAM "partners with the local church to send missionaries and establish reproducing churches among the nations, going where the most people have the most need and proclaiming the gospel in both word and action." With that being said. I'm super excited about the opportunity that God has placed before me to pursue missions in Peru. My hope is to partner with the local Peruvians in Arequipa at El Camino Church to develop a kid's ministry program and train locals so that eventually it will be lead by them. I'm currently on the track to spend 2 years there. However, there is a long process ahead of me before I actually depart for Peru. There are still many interviews and documents that need to be filled out. I'm on track to finish everything by Mid-July, Early-August to have my file reviewed by the Midterm missions board in September. If my file is approved then I will be in contact with current missionaries in Peru to learn more about the culture and needs of Arequipa. This also means that I can attend a week long training in November. At this point will be able to start fundraising. Once I reach the 60-70% range I will attend another training. Then once the 100% is in I will leave for Peru! This whole process could potentially take up to a year and sometimes longer. I would greatly appreciate your prayers through this process as I have been dreaming of going back to Peru since I got back from a short term trip two years ago. It's hard to believe that this dream may become a reality!! If you would like to read more about TEAM and the missions opportunity in Peru click here!

If there is anything I've learned this past month it is that I need to be in constant prayer and in complete trust of what the Holy Spirit is doing in my life. I've seen prayers answered this month in ways I have never seen before. I'm learning that when you put complete trust in Him to direct, you things will happen.

Like I said earlier in this blog. I went on a Women's Retreat with Flatirons. I can't post a ton of details about the retreat here. As some of you reading this will be attending the retreat this fall. What I can say is that the strategy for my life has changed. I have asked for God to help me as I move forward to leave my burden in the past and seek to be the queen, lover, magi, and warrior of the kingdom that the sovereign God has entrusted me with.

On another note, the internship is starting to wind down. It's crazy to think that there are only 2 1/2 months left!! Where did the year go?!?!?! I've been incredibly blessed to have been a part of such an amazing place. Flatirons has become a home away from home for me. I've learned a lot this year about myself and about God and about ministry. Some people asked me if I regretted moving to Colorado because I am no longer going to live here after July 31. My answer. NOT AT ALL!!! This year has helped me to realize that I can survive thrive in an area where I initially did not know anyone. It has helped me to discover myself and what I am capable of without without my Wheaton "bubble" around me. I have loved living in Colorado this past year. I've gained so many new friends and let's be honest those friends have been more like family for me this year. I'm sad to leave them in Colorado as I move forward in this journey of my life but I'm so thankful for them and the support they have offered me.

Please pray that I would be able to be fully present in the last 2 1/2 months of the internship. I've already started to see my focus shift to the future. Pray that I would continue to invest in the friendships and ministries at Flatirons even as my time here comes to an end. (For now that is. Who knows? Maybe I'll end up at Flatirons again in the future.) Pray for me to stay aligned with God's calling in my life and that I would stay focused on him when I want things to go my way.

Leaders Go First

Growing up I never considered myself to be a leader. In my head when I thought of a leader I thought of someone who was outgoing, extroverted, and someone who had no fear of public speaking. However, according to Dictionary.com, a leader, "is a person who rules, guides, or inspires others". Well I'm not a ruler, both the piece of wood for making measurements or the one that controls a nation. However, I do guide people. And I'd like to think that I inspire people.

But more recently I'm learning that besides the obvious traits of a leader that a leader is someone who goes first even when its hard.

One of the values at Flatirons is authentic community. We strive to create a place where people come alongside one another and say, "Me too." I'm learning that one of the only ways to create a truly authentic community to is be the leader that goes first and puts the tough crap of their life out there for others to say, "Me too." 

As an intern in a mega church it's often difficult to think that you're a leader. The culture that we live in gives the stereotype that comes with an intern as "I'm just an intern. Can I get you coffee?"I know that this is far from the truth at Flatirons but because of the usual connotation that comes with the title intern you don't think of a leader. 

Recently, as interns, we finished reading Henri Nouwen's book, In the Name of Jesus: A Christian Reflection on Leadership. This was the second time reading it for me but this time I got to read it from a new perspective. I got to read in through the lense of a leader in the church. You see as we read through it the view of myself as a leader shifted. There are many ways in which I am a leader. I'm a leader of leaders in the 1st-2nd grade room. Meaning that if they need something they look to me for help. I'm a leader to the 1st-2nd graders that come in every weekend. Now, I try to let the volunteer leaders do as much of the leading as possible but when the timing is right and the leaders are few I jump in and lead a small group. 

Going through college one thing that people always told me about leading was that I led by example. I never asked what they meant but I seemed to agree for the most part but I never put leading by example as a trait of leadership until this past weekend. 

Last weekend I got to teach in the 3rd-5th grade room at West Campus. The story was from John 13:1-20. The story of Jesus washing the feet of the disciples. While studying the Scripture for myself before memorizing the script it hit that Jesus led by example. Now I'm pretty sure that I knew this before but this particular moment it really sunk in deep. Jesus went first in washing the disciples feet. After reading through the script I learned that Jesus gave us this example as a tangible way to serve others. He went first. Jesus was a leader. Leaders go first. 

Now, how the heck do I take this leaders go first mentality of washing disciples feet and make it relevant for me today? Well all I had to do when I first asked myself this question was look up and see my Taylor towel staring me in the face. All I had to say was of course! How did I not think of the Taylor towel before?! The Taylor towel is given to each student who enters and graduates from TU. At the start of each school year a new batch a freshman receive a towel that they are supposed to use. The towel reads, "One another Philippians 2:4" Philippians 2:4 says, "not looking to your own interests, but each of you to the interests of the other." For the student this meant to live each day with others on the forefront. Then there was another Taylor towel that is given to students are graduation. This towel is more of a symbolic towel to put on display as a reminder that we are to be servant leaders just as Jesus did. This second towel is symbolic of being the good neighbor. Being someone who would selflessly serve their neighbor with no complaints. If you want to hear more about the Taylor towel I recommend watching this youtube video that JR Briggs, a Taylor grad and speaker at many Taylor chapels, made. 

So there you have it. Leaders go first. Me too. Taylor Towel. Wash feet. Serve others. Authentic community. 

February: The Month of Love

This may be cheesy but for me the month of February was definitely the month of love. From friends, family, and others I have experienced love in many ways this month.

The first way that I experienced love was on a hike at Chautauqua Trailhead in Boulder, CO. I woke up one Friday morning and saw that it was 72 degrees outside. It was my day off so I thought, "A hike sounds good today!" So I put on my sweats and a tshirt and told Siri to take me to Chautauqua Trailhead. Next thing I know I'm hiking up an incredibly slushy, muddy, and snowy trail. But it was so worth it. On my way down the mountain I saw a huge boulder that had a gorgeous view of the Flatirons. (A rock formation, not the church I work at.) So I climbed up and took a seat and basked in God's creation. For as long as I can remember one of the best ways that I connected with God is through nature and song. I turn to my phone and start playing some Vertical Church Band music and look up at the Flatirons and I couldn't help but be completely overwhelmed by the love that God has for me. This is the greatest of all loves in my life because God loves us no matter what. His love is unconditional and never ceasing. This is why it is often hard for us to accept his love because it is something that we will never be able to fully comprehend because of our sinful nature.

Another way in which I experienced love this month was on Galentine's Day, February 13th. A friend invited several of us girls from Merge over to go jump on some trampolines at Jump City and then chill at her apartment over some food and wine. I had so much fun on this night! For me this night was really one of the first times that I had been invited to hang out with people who were not other interns inviting me. We all arrived at Jump City and after a couple rounds in the foam pit and on the trampolines we went to the dodgeball court. We started a boys versus girls game. Keep in mind the boys were cocky middle schoolers and we are twentysomething women. We won 3 of the 5 games. We were a little proud of ourselves, to say the least. After 5 games we were tired and headed back to the apartment where we shared stories and food with one another. This was a night of friends loving on friends and making time for the ladies in our lives during a season that is so focused on significant others.

Third. This month I got to fly back to Chicago for a weekend for my cousin, Andrew's wedding. I loved being able to spend some quality time with family. It was nice to my own bathroom and washer and dryer for a weekend and a full sized bed to sprawl out on. The wedding was held in a converted barn. It was beautiful. The decorations were so well done and I got see my brother, sister in law and nephew. After the wedding I asked my grandma if I could spend the night with her. When I arrived at her apartment she opened up one of her kitchen cabinets and started telling me that I could have her dishes set. This is the dish set that I think of when I think of my grandma and meals at her place. Little did I know is that these dishes were passed down to her from my great grandma Harsch. I was blown away. A entire set of dishes: plates, bowls, salad plates, serving bowls, etc. were all mine. I was incredibly thankful for my grandmas gift and I can't wait to go back in May to box them all up to use at my own place someday and have my family gathered around the table eating from Great Grandma Harsch's dishes. I also got to have lunch with my cousin Christina. Christina and I have been good buds for as long as I can remember. I love getting together with her and creating new ridiculous memories like jumping out of a window at Grandmas house that was NOT at ground level. Finally the weekend at home wrapped up with a Saturday night service at Glen Ellyn Bible Church. I love that whenever I go back to Glen Ellyn that I have a church that welcomes me with open arms. It was great to spend a weekend at home wondering around my old stomping ground.

 
Finally, the last example I have of love in the month of February was Shine. Shine is an event that Flatirons hosts about every other year, it's a prom type party for those in our community who have special needs. During the course of a week our church transforms the auditorium into a dance floor, the lobby into a superhero cityscape, the kids ministry rooms into areas for carnival games, caregiver retreat, and food service. Every single inch of the church is utilized for this awesome night. We had about 2,000 guests who came decked out in the formal suits and prom dresses for this evening to celebrate them. I had the privilege of serving on the food service team. I waited on three tables and served them food and drinks throughout the majority of the night. After clearing out the room and tearing down the chairs and tables we were able to enjoy the last 30 minutes out on the dance floor. SO MUCH FUN!!! After the last dance it is all hands on deck to reset all of the rooms for church services this weekend. The amount of hands that go into this night is unbelievable. From coming in during the week to set up the rooms to serving food to being an escort and many other jobs. This night would not be possible without the awesome volunteers that come alongside the work that God is doing through Flatirons. This night was the best! I'm so glad that Shine happened during my internship year. It's awesome to see so many people rallying together to love on those who are usually shamed in our society.

To say the least, February had been an awesome month. With each passing day I grow more and more comfortable with where I am at in life. A sign that this is happening is that I have shared many sarcastic comments in the workplace over the last month. I love my job and the people I get to work alongside to create a place where kids and leaders can bump into Jesus.

A New Year, A New Season

It's hard to believe that the first month of 2015 is already over. It's also cool to look back at the growth that has happened in my own life in just one month. On January 1st, I remember saying goodbye to my parents on Concourse C at O'Hare Airport. I was balling my eyes out not wanting to leave the comforts of home for the uncomfortable of Colorado. As I walked to my gate and my parents walked to theirs I was struck by the verse Joshua 1:9, "Have I not commanded you be strong and courageous do not be terrified do not be discouraged for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." I remember saying it over and over again waiting for it to sink in that God is with me wherever I go. After landing in Colorado and settling back into the intern house and going through my first day back in the office I realized that I was glad to be back at Flatirons.

About a week later we had our monthly intern check up. The two questions asked were, "What are you enjoying about the internship?" and "What is the most difficult part about the internship?" Now the first question was easy. I love everything about the internship. I know I'm doing what the Lord has called me to do so of course I am loving it. It's the second question that was hard. In regards to the internship there are difficulties but I'm surrounded by a wonderful team that helps to build things up when things are difficult. That's when I shared that it was the life outside of the Flatirons walls that was difficult.

When I'm at work I'm surrounded by my "family" same goes for my house when the other interns are home. But most of the time I'm in the house alone. This is the difficult part. I love my alone time. But I also need friendships. In order to make those friendships I have to sacrifice my precious alone time. This is the difficult part. There is also the factor that my family is 1,000 miles away. But like I said earlier, this month has been a month of growth. After sharing my difficulty in the monthly check up it's like a page was turned. After that point I no longer had moments of feeling lonely in an empty house.

Within the last month I have started working part time with Elementary at the Lafayette campus and part time with West Campus Kids. Being more involved with an age group that I love and a campus that has a tight knit community feel to it has really helped me in feeling like I have a part here in Colorado. If you had asked me a month ago if I would say yes to a job offer at Flatirons I would have said no. But now if you asked me if Flatirons would offer me a job I would say yes. Hands down! This month has been so much fun! I have gotten the opportunity to be more involved in the curriculum aspect. In fact, this past week I wrote my first two small group activities for the 1st and 2nd graders. I also have gotten to teach up at West Campus with their preschoolers. I'm really excited for what the last 6 months of the internship hold for me.

Although it is getting more and more difficult to be present when the end is just around the corner. I know that God has put me at Flatirons for a reason. I pray that I would be able to continue to stay focused on my internship and continue to invest fully in the people and ministry here. Being a planner, it is hard for me to not look to the future to start planning what the next chapter holds. However, God has given me great peace right now about living in the present knowing that He has a plan for me even when I do not know what it is.

Prayer Requests:
Over the course of the next several months I have lots of weddings. Which means lots of traveling and lots of my very small income going straight to airplane tickets. Please pray that I would be able to manage my money wisely so that I can save for these significant weddings. As well as for traveling mercies.
Pray that I would continue to be flexible to learn at my job while also having more direction of what I want to do.
Pray for personal growth in my walk with the Lord
Pray for the willingness to try new things and not be afraid of the failure that may come

Goodbye 2014, Hello 2015!

And just like that it is already the last day of 2014. It's crazy how fast this past year has gone and all that the year held. In the last 365 days, I finished a 60 page research paper on my philosophy of ministry in the context of an urban after school program, graduated from college, saw one of my best friends get married, worked at VCBC for the summer in multiple positions, and then moved to Colorado and started my internship at Flatirons Community Church. To say that this year has been busy would be an understatement.

This past year has been a year in which I have had to put my faith in God's plan on the first burner. Starting 2014 not know what was in store for after graduation to then knowing what was in store and having to put full faith that I was following the call that God placed on my heart to spend a summer at camp and then the following 11 months in Colorado. To say the least I'm incredibly thankful that God gave me clarity in times where I didn't know and courage during times of doubt. Now that I've lived in Colorado for four months I've started my own routine. I've made new friends, started new habits, gotten rid of some bad habits, and all the way have had to trust that God is with me each step of this journey called life.

I'm very excited to say that during the last stretch of my internship I will be focusing on West Campus Kids and Elementary at Lafayette Campus. I'm so excited that I get the opportunity to see God work in two different areas of Colorado. I'm excited to be a part of the tight knit community that is the West Campus team as well as be a part of a bigger community at Lafayette. I'm excited to take some initiative in reaching out to the young adult leaders within Kids Ministry and to have the opportunity to teach more at the West Campus.

As excited as I am to be a part of the work that God is doing here at Flatirons it was very hard to come back after such an amazing time at home, in Wheaton. After lots of thinking and some conversations I have realized that I didn't want to come back because I didn't want to go back to the unfamiliar. In Wheaton I can drive the streets and know where I'm going and how long it will take me to get from point A to point B. In Wheaton I know people and the people know me. In Wheaton I'm comfortable and feel safe. In Colorado I feel safe and comfortable within my living situations but within the everyday job I walk in with this feeling of uncertainty that keeps me from being completely comfortable. Which has been a good and a bad thing. I know that I'm not called to be comfortable. Nowhere in Scriptures does God promise that I will be comfortable but with my uncomfortableness I have to trust that He will be my comforter. The last four months have made me trust more in what He has in store for me than ever before. I do know that over the past four months I have formed a family with my Flatirons community. If it were not for them and the prayer team I have at home and the faith that I have in Jesus. I would not have been able to step onto the plane that took me back to Denver on the first of the year.

In this next year I already know that I will be pushed and stretched farther than I ever have before. I know that there will be times of uncertainty as I get closer to the internship end date in July. But I know in full confidence that God has a plan for me. I need to keep my eyes focused on Him and He will give me the clarity in need in times of uncertainty just as He has done in the past. I don't know if I will be here in Colorado, Illinois, Indiana, or some other part of the country of even some other part of the globe. I do know that God knows and as long as I remain faithful to Him in 2015 that I will satisfied because I am going after Him. So, hello 2015! I hope that you will be another year of adventure as I seek to become more like Jesus with each passing day.

The Christmas Spirit

I love Christmas. It is one of my favorite times of year. All of the parties, tacky Christmas sweaters, candy canes, Christmas trees, gingerbread houses... The list goes on. In my 23 years of life Christmas has taken on many traditions. Each year I help my mom decorate the Christmas tree we look at all of the ornaments and are flooded with memories of Christmas' past. Christmas music blasts through the house or White Christmas plays in the family room while we put decorations up around the whole house instantly creating a scene that resembles a Christmas shop that sells Christmas items year round. Each year on Christmas day I open up my stocking and see a new ornament to place on the tree. Usually it represents something of significance that has happened during the past year. We have the Koch family celebration on Christmas Eve and the Harsch family feast on Christmas Day. We play games, decorate a gingerbread house, and open up our new presents. I love Christmas.

I love Christmas. During the last four years during my time at Taylor I formed new traditions. Taylor traditions. Silent Night basketball games, Candles and Carols chapel service, Christmas openhouses, Christmas pick-a-dates, and the Hallipolooza Christmas Party. I love Christmas.

However, this year is different. I still love Christmas but my surroundings are different. I'm not able to be home to decorate the Christmas tree. I'm not a Taylor dressing up in my PJs for Silent Night. Instead I'm in Colorado with two poinsettias and icicle lights around my house. My Christmas decorations sit in a box in Wheaton. I'm in the spot where I can create my own traditions now. Many of my traditions, once I have a place of my own, will include aspects of the traditions that I grew up with. Which leads me to this year.

This year, on December 1st, I started a new reading Advent plan. Each day I read a story from the Jesus Storybook Bible starting the the first story and working my way through to the 25th on Christmas morning. When thinking about starting this Advent plan I thought this is something that if I were to ever have a family of my own someday I would want to do this with them. Through reading these short little Bible stories each morning I have been able to fill myself up with the simple truths of God's Word. That he sent his Son into the world to die for my sins. That he was born into a broken and sinful world and he himself remained perfect. I'm excited for this new Christmas tradition that I have started and look forward to how I will grow and learn from in during the remainder of this season as well as in Christmas' to come.

Preschool Adventures

For the month of November I have been in my preschool rotation. This month has been crazy busy! And I love it! Despite getting a head cold and a stomach bug this month has been wonderful. The month started off with a bang when we had record breaking numbers a 7,000 jump from the previous weekend. During this big weekend I was serving in the 5K room. We had 156 kiddos in one service! It was crazy but it was awesome to see so many kids come through the doors to hear about the love that Christ has for them.

The next day I got to adventure up the mountain to Evergreen where we filmed the videos for our preschool Christmas series. It was a cold and foggy day but so much fun to chase chickens, run around getting tea for everyone to stay warm and watching the whole thing come together at the end.

Then over the past several weeks I have been working on recruiting high school students at Rev to serve in Summit Kids. After two weeks of recruiting the night came and we had crappy snowy weather which resulted in a low turnout but we now know that if they are willing to drive in snow to come for training that they will likely drive through snow to serve on the weekend.

I got to make my teaching debut at Flatirons in the 4s room. I thought things went pretty well considering it was the 5:00pm service I served as the guinea pig to see if everything would work. I taught on the story of Naaman. Of course I couldn't help but think of camp and the Seven Dippy Dip song. Surprisingly I didn't break out in song. I loved serving in the 4s room. Those kiddos are so fun and entertaining.

This month I also got to have dinner with my CO3 small group which was wonderful! These group of new friends have been so great to get to know. Since we were a small group we have shared some tough stuff about our lives with each other. I have loved having these guys in my life over the past month and I'm so excited where God is gonna take our little group.

This past month we had our Staff Christmas party. So much fun and laughter had. We had good food although I'm pretty sure that's what made me sick on Tuesday so it was good when I ate it but not so great the next day. Impulse Improv theater was there and lots of laughter was had by all. Seriously the longer I work with the staff of flatirons the more I love them.

Now onto the meat of this month of what I've been learning. This month I've had a couple of hard conversations. In the midst of these conversations I've been learning a lot about myself and some things that I need let God take out of my hands. One was my lack of trust in the people around me. I've learned that in my past, specifically during my childhood, I had a few friendships that were not the best for me and ended up shaping how I made friends in the future. I've learned that it takes me a long time to build up trust in my friends. I remember it was this time last year when I finally felt like I could trust my friends. Now, I'm living in a new state away from my closest friends and I'm having to build new friends. I've learned that building trust is hard for me. I never knew this about myself until now because this is the first time that I have been in a place where I'm uncomfortable in my surroundings and don't really know the people around me which means I have to build my trust in them.

Another thing that I've been reminded of this month has been in our reading this month. We are reading When Helping Hurts, which I would highly recommend for anyone in ministry not just on the missions field. While reading this book one thing that I have reminded of is that God was there before I was there, while I was there, and after I was there. This hit a trigger point in me because of my time spent in Peru. One thing our team constantly reminded each other was that God is with them. It was hard to leave them because we thought that it was our love that changed them when in reality it was God using us to show them the love of Christ.

This month although a great month in general has also been very hard in the sense that I have been incredibly homesick. More homesick than I have ever been before. However, the night when it was the worst I texted a few of my friends and asked for prayer and almost immediately felt at peace. But over Thanksgiving my family flew out from Chicago and we drove up the mountain to Estes Park and were able to spend the holiday together in the mountains. We went hiking at Bear and Sprague Lake in Rocky Mountain National Park. After a few days up the mountain we drove to Lafayette on Sunday morning for church. I loved being able to show my parents around the place that I've called home for the past three months. I got to show them around Flatirons and take them to my favorite local barbeque, Lulu's. Then we went to my house and got to relax until it was time to take them to the airport.

The phrase, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" couldn't be more true for the phase of my life. Being away from my family and my church family have been hard but I have grown to love the time that I had in Glen Ellyn and Wheaton. It's because of the people and their influence in my life that I am the person I am today.